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Decisions...and Dithering
Feb. 12th, 2019 10:48 pmI've actually forgotten how to do the cut/cloak code, so apologies when this runs long.
I realize I have a lot more experience with breakups, and, for that matter, with remaining friends with an ex.
The first rule of remaining friends is not to lie.
The second rule is not to lie to yourself.
At the moment I'm just pissed. There is no point to telling someone you still care about them, like them, and love them while you are dumping them unless you are either (a) attempting to dodge the emotional backlash, or (b) you mean it and you still want this person in your life, but you aren't yet sure how. Hmm...ok, this is where my experience comes in. Typically, the only way to do this is to be upfront and say something like, oh, "hey, I still care about you, but this is painful, so we need not to talk for 3-6 months. When the time is right, I will reach out again."
No, it is not perfect, but...the person initiating the breakup not only has the power, but also tends to be dealing, at least in their own head, with the most turbulent forces. Wait...who am I kidding...as the recipient of unexpected breakup, nope, just as turbulent.
but...at the moment, she asked that I stop offering advice on FB. I am taking this to mean that I should avoid posting on her posts. So far, other than an explicit question, she has been avoiding responding to anything I post. I had already offered to only send an email each week, while also leaving the option open to returning her email. At the moment, unfortunately, her FB messaging and texting were both prompted by a post I made, BUT also when she was ... dealing with the after effects of an evening out.
Yeah, I'm working through this, I'm not asking for solid responses.
Yeah...and Valentine ads are not helping. I'll leave this here for now, but still a lot to make decisions about.
I realize I have a lot more experience with breakups, and, for that matter, with remaining friends with an ex.
The first rule of remaining friends is not to lie.
The second rule is not to lie to yourself.
At the moment I'm just pissed. There is no point to telling someone you still care about them, like them, and love them while you are dumping them unless you are either (a) attempting to dodge the emotional backlash, or (b) you mean it and you still want this person in your life, but you aren't yet sure how. Hmm...ok, this is where my experience comes in. Typically, the only way to do this is to be upfront and say something like, oh, "hey, I still care about you, but this is painful, so we need not to talk for 3-6 months. When the time is right, I will reach out again."
No, it is not perfect, but...the person initiating the breakup not only has the power, but also tends to be dealing, at least in their own head, with the most turbulent forces. Wait...who am I kidding...as the recipient of unexpected breakup, nope, just as turbulent.
but...at the moment, she asked that I stop offering advice on FB. I am taking this to mean that I should avoid posting on her posts. So far, other than an explicit question, she has been avoiding responding to anything I post. I had already offered to only send an email each week, while also leaving the option open to returning her email. At the moment, unfortunately, her FB messaging and texting were both prompted by a post I made, BUT also when she was ... dealing with the after effects of an evening out.
Yeah, I'm working through this, I'm not asking for solid responses.
Yeah...and Valentine ads are not helping. I'll leave this here for now, but still a lot to make decisions about.
